Stay at Home Dads and Marriage

5 Tips on How to Handle the Transition

As parents, and partners, who suddenly switch traditional gender roles, the change can be quite disorienting. When mom is the full time provider leaving dad to stay home it could raise stress levels that affect the relationship.

As parents begin taking on the other’s role in the household there might be communication problems and difficult emotions involved in redefining the roles of the parents. Your wife might feel she’s being replaced by you as the emotional care provider, and you could easily feel emasculated by the fact you are no longer the bread winner.

In order to make the transition as easy as possible I’ve listed several tips on how to manage the changeover successfully.

Tip #1 Make time and space available to communicate your thoughts and feelings openly with your spouse. How are you both dealing with the new roles? What are the challenges of the new positions? What are the good parts? How can you help each other through the transitions?

Speak openly and listen to what your spouse says. Communication also involves understanding. Don’t just wait for your turn to speak.

Tip #2 Discuss the expectations you have for each other. Speak in a way that doesn’t come across as condescending and leaves room for negotiation and flexibility. Will you still expect your wife to be up with the kids in the middle of the night? Who will handle which household chores? Be clear on defining exactly what each expects of the other so there is no miscommunication between you.

Tip #3 Share with each other how much you appreciate what the other is doing for the family. For a woman to work a full-time job and come home to her family she will need reminded what an important factor she is in providing for her family, that she’s not outside the unit but a very important member of it.

Equally, it’s very important that a man hears that he is doing a good job at raising his kids and keeping a good house. Even if it’s a compliment on your cooking, this is often very important, as full time parents receive very little praise.

Tip #4 Many times the wife having run the household for so long, she will still try to make sure that things stay her way. It’s a struggle for control that can easily cause problems if the wife is not willing to let go of certain aspects of how the house runs. As well, a husband who isn’t willing to take charge of the household responsibilities is likely going to have trouble fitting into his new position.

Tip #5 Ensure that both of you, as parents, are on the same page. Having a shared parenting goal with your kids is the most important consideration when switching your roles. The change for your kids can be enriching and new. Make sure that you both have similar expectations and limitations on your children. If not, you could find that your kids will be disoriented and confused as to what they are allowed to do and what is expected of them.

When handled properly, and approached with honest and open communication about what one another is thinking and feeling, role reversing as parents and spouses can be rewarding and enlightening. New points of view can bring profound understanding into your life.

Be open to new ideas and be willing share. You’ll hear some critical and sometimes difficult to face feelings from each other, but if you always approach the situation with love, you’ll have few problems.